The Mandela of Oz, Baguette de Bat, Ghost Ship. Oh, did you know that the lesser spotted tit has actually got 500 ,000 feathers? And that's how it's the heaviest tit that you can see in the garden. They're so wonderfully ill -informed. Hi, and welcome to Wonderfully Ill-Informed, the podcast show where we convert interesting, funny or informative things from our week into quotes, put them into a randomizer, take our best shot at guessing what they're about, and then jump into a discussion. Join us for some rather unpredictable chats on Wonderfully Ill -Informed. I am Marcus. I am Thomas. And I am Benmus. Benmus? I couldn't bring myself to say Benjamin. I don't, that's not who I am. I'm not Marcus. Yeah, but we call you Marcus. I call you Marcus all the time. Sometimes I use Thomas. Just a bit different, a bit more spicy. A bit more spicy. Thomas. No, it's just got a bit more je ne sais quoi. What have you got for us, Mark? So I wondered if you could jump into a pool of anything and it couldn't be water. What would you jump into a pool of? Do you know what's really really fucked up? My first thought was, it would be really funny if someone jumped into a pool of semen and then I realised you said about us and I was like no I don't want to jump into a pool of semen. No, don't want that to go you. The one and only thing that But the process in my brain was like, that's really funny, it'd be funny if you did that and then I was like actually I don't want to do that. See my first instinct was lava. Jesus Christ, Ben just wants to die. The question was if you could jump into a pool of anything and you were jizz and lava with your immediate... I feel like if you jumped into a pool of chocolate, you would die as well because it'd have to be so hot to be that consistency. I like I heard something recently where someone fell in a vat of chocolate and died. Well, there you go. So it does happen. That was in Willy Wonka, Ben. That's not real life. It was this tiny little man who had orange skin and green hair. And looked like Hugh Grant. shit yeah, Hugh Grant was the new little oompa loompa wasn't he? Yeah, what would I want to jump into? Not lava, I would imagine. I know, I've got the perfect one. I need to jump into a pool of a million pounds. Yeah, I thought the obvious answer was money. Just fucking, what was it, Scrooge that motherfucker just, woo, I'm going in. So yeah, so what about you, Ben? I don't know. I'm trying to think of something nice to jump into and literally the only place my mind is going to is a pool of puppies, but that would just hurt the puppies. Yeah, you just kill all of the puppies. I feel so bad about it. Yeah, then jump into lava. What would you jump into, Mark? Well, I think money is a good choice. God, if I had to choose, I mean, it definitely wouldn't be semen. I'm glad that you made that decision Mark. wouldn't be that. Ooh, margaritas. Diving into a big pool of margarita. Although I wouldn't want to drink my margarita juice. My soup. Yeah, I'm just laughing. My mind went somewhere totally different. Mark's just diving into a pool of margarita pizzas. Just molten cheese and tomatoes. What would you jump in Ben? You still haven't decided. I would jump into... Dogshit. Let's stop the episode. Well, here I am, a nameless wonder, once again sailing in a sea of mediocrity, and my boat comes in the shape of three pink, sweaty mammals, obsessed with boozy body soup, bodily fluids, and their own demise. How lucky I am. Come, my mere mortals, let us embark on a journey of discovery. I wonder what nerd fodder the boys have lined up to talk about this week, initiating randomizer protocol. I'd turn back if I were you. I think that's Obviously it's a quote anyway, it's in quotation marks, but is this a quote from a movie? It is from a movie. Is it a new movie? It's probably almost as far away from a new movie as you could possibly be. It's from the first movie? There's a lot of movies, Well, not, not, not, well, that makes it sound like it was the first film. It's fucking old. Charlie Chaplin? No, newer than that. Okay. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. When did that even come out? I don't know. This is, let me bring up my thing. So, this was brought to my attention by my brother. The 1939 film, The Wizard of Oz, starring Judy Garland, is universally regarded as a classic, which makes it strange that most fans don't remember the scene in which the scarecrow carries a gun. Jesus Christ. Do you remember that? No, I don't remember that. Is this one of those things where the world, like, it's like a, where, Do you mean a Mandela effect? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or as I heard someone say earlier, Mandela effect. no. That's not right. The whole kind of the monopoly man had a monocle on, he doesn't have a monocle. Yeah, that's a Mandela effect. It's based on the fact that people think Nelson Mandela died in prison. Is that what it is? Yeah. As a common... That's where it starts. Yeah. That was the first Mandela effect was where a load of people reckoned. People remember that it happened, though it... and a lot of people remembered that. Which is ridiculous, because he was then the president of South Africa, I think. South Africa. There's a Flintstones one as well, and I can't remember what it was. Sorry, did you say Flintstones? Flintstones, sorry. Sorry, can we just go back to the fact that you said the scarecrow had a bloody gun? Yes, so I've got a video of this for you. The scarecrow has a fucking gun. I don't remember this bit of the film at all. So this is actually, I saw it on a Reddit post, and they're referring to it as almost being like a reverse Mandela effect because nobody remembers it. I'd like to know if it was one of those things where they put it in and then like after, I don't know, a couple of days or a week or something, they were like, actually, we better cut that out. And then all of sudden... Do you mean almost like the, I assume you guys have heard about the dead munchkin rumours from the Wizard of Oz? Yeah, I've heard about that. There's apparently in a scene, you can see them walking along and... you can see a munchkin hanging in the distance that looks like it's swinging because you can see it climb up a thing and then fall off and it wobbles around. Whereas in later versions of the film you can't see that, it's very clearly a stork or something, it's a big bird. And people say that it was digitally altered to remove the suicide of the munchkin. That's crazy. yeah, this I think is real. I'm not entirely sure. I don't remember any of this. Yeah, I don't remember this stuff. Yeah. Has he got a gun? Look at his hand. yeah! He's holding like a revolver. He's got a little revolver, yeah. yeah. So this is apparently they've left Emerald City and they're heading off to the witch's house or something, which I don't remember. But he's holding it like really odd. think that's just acting. I love it that you said scarecrow and in my head I was like staring at the Tin Man like thinking there's no bloody gun in his hand. And you're like he's holding a revolver and I'm like he's not fucking holding a revolver, he's holding a bloody axe. That's funny. That's a weird one. Yeah, I don't remember that. That must have been from... I don't remember it at all. Yeah, it must have been from like a cut version or... No, I think it's in the actual... It's in the full films from what I've read. It's not a cut scene. Yeah, just everybody's forgotten. But yeah, no, that was apparently just in the version of the film we should know. Well, that was a revelation, and I listened to every single word. Who knew that Nelson Mandela appeared in The Wizard of Oz before he died and was reanimated as president of Hollywood before today? I did. If only more history buffs like myself existed. Who knows where we'll end up next? Randomness incoming in T -minus. input so far. Maybe it's a bread puppet show? Maybe... I feel like this is going to be like a meme that's gone around online. It's going to be like the type of thing where you know like which way around you have the toilet roll is that type of debate. Yes, yep pineapple and pizza. Do you you butter it for do you cut it or like do you cut it like it's a burger bun or a hot dog Do know that type of thing? That's exactly what I was going to say. Yeah, that's what we should present to him and will seem really smart. We'll seem like genius. So let's pretend we didn't have this conversation. He's getting back. He's almost got his headphones on. We've not talked about this. Hi, hi we've just been sitting here in silence. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Total silence. Sure. I'll check the recording. Do you want to read the quotes on? Start the part fresh here. Nothing else has happened. Nothing's happened. Nothing at all. We've just been the will. It's landed on me. And the quote is a baguette debate. Do you want to take this Mark? Or should I? I don't know Ben. You go, you go mate, I'll go second. this is already, this is what you planned, it? Could it possibly be, in a similar way to, you know, which way around you hang your toilet paper, is it to do in which way you cut a baguette? So whether it's like a burger or down the middle like a hot dog. How the fuck did you know that? Yes! You win! So you've discussed this before then. I'm so confused. had a little brainstorming session. we did have a brainstorming session. I am genuinely impressed that I did just come up with that though. So did genuinely get it. So yeah, basically it was a debate that I was having with Holly. Obviously very grateful that she made me a lovely baguette sandwich. Well, it wasn't a baguette sandwich, was a baguette baguette. just a baguette, stop. And when I was in the kitchen and I was talking to her and she made it and I was horrified when she cut the baguette and now not everyone, perhaps my way is the wrong way. I don't know, there's no right or wrong way. But what about I don't tell you which way she did and you just tell me you've got a big baguette. Say you've got to the stage where you've cut your baguette sized baguette that you're going to eat. So when you're about to put fillings in it, how are you, how are you opening up that baguette? How are you cutting that baguette over? I think it depends on what you're putting in it. No. Incorrect. If you're putting a hot dog in it and it's quite a thin baguette, then you could probably get away with cutting it on the top. But if it's a normal, proper big French baguette that you'd get from like the supermarkets. Yeah, we had big French baguette. I would cut it horizontally. Long boy. And I would just lay the hot dogs in it. So you'd end up with... Like a mouth. Yeah. Like a Kermit. Exactly like that. Right. Okay. Like a burger bun, but attached. Right. Yeah. So I think we're on the same page here, because I would also do that. Subway style. Yes. Yeah. That's a good way to describe it. No, no, no, no. It's different. So Holly got the baguette, made it vertical. got the bread knife, cut it in half so she had two bits. no! Straight down the middle and then two separate halves. Yeah, two separate halves. So then she was like, I was like, what are you doing that? All the filling's gonna fall out. Hang on, did she do it vertically or horizontally? No, so vertically. All the way in half? Yeah. That's mental! And you decided that this is a lady that you wanted to spend your life with and have a child with. I love you Holly, I'm sorry. Yeah, sorry Holly. Sorry for calling you mental. I've never spoken to you, but you seem very nice. So basically, obviously, then we put the filling in and it's all just pissing out either side. Whereas I personally would just get the baguette and cut the top of it, but have it so it's like a book. you've still got one bit still kind of attached. So still a vertical cutter. Yeah, but keep it all... Wait a minute, are we... think we might be getting this mixed up. Discussing things wrong, yeah. You're not cutting it like a hot dog roll on the top of it. You're laying it on its side and cutting through it. Is that what you're saying? No, so like a hot dog roll, I would cut it like and have it like a hot dog roll. So you, it's one bit of bread. cut into the top of it rather than the side of it. A cradle for the sausage. I'm still getting confused. So this is the hot, this is the baguette in my arm. Yeah. Yeah. So Holly held it like that. So it's like this and then top and then cut like in the through the middle of it. So you had two bits, two long vertical bits. Yeah. That's yeah. Yeah. Unacceptable. So whereas I would just kind of lay it horizontally, cut the middle and then pull it open, put my stuff in and then German and then you're good. It's up on top like it like a hot dog is you don't usually, mean, well, it depends on what hot dog ones you get. I think I would cut like a subway. No, I now think you're doing it Yeah, if you're cutting a baguette like a hot dog bun, that's incorrect. You should be cutting it like you were cutting a burger bun. Yeah. What, so you have two? No, I see I disagree. No, no, no, no. So whether it's got a hinge or not, I'm not talking about that. So I think that the most important part of this debate is that there is a hinge. There are not two separate defined Yeah, that's what I'm getting at. Yeah, is wrong. Yeah. It shouldn't be like a sandwich, like a full I thought you meant that she... She had the thing sitting upright, so the length of the thing is, you've just got it laying on the side. The top of the baguette is at the top. And she just cut vertically through that in half. That's what I was saying was meant to Yeah, yeah. She did do that. She hasn't laid it on its side, so you're cutting horizontally but vertically. No. Do know what I Yeah. So confusing. I'm lost. We might need some diagrams, Yeah, I'll do some diagrams and we can put them in the show notes. my god, that was brilliant. Whoa, well that spiraled out of control. Our intrepid explorers already seem to have touched upon some of the great debates of our time today. If you have an opinion on how to slice long bread, then please write to me so I can write back and tell you to fuck off. Here come more facts, figures, and other such things of similar importance. Life on a ghost ship in empty world. mean, I'm just fixating on the ghost ship element and thinking of the opening scene of Ghost Ship where everyone gets, as I've always referred to with my brother, ghost shipped, which is to be cut in half by a wire. Of course. Brilliant film. That is the term, to be ghost shipped. to be choppy chopped. Look it up, it's on the internet, it's gotta be. Ah, fair play, I did not know the internet. Just cut down the middle. So is it anything to do with the fantastic horror film from probably about 2001, Ghost Ship? Unfortunately not, no, as much as I do love that movie. It's not about being like, is the ship on or in on Earth, or is it like? Yes, but I think it's an alternative universe. Okay, so we're not talking real life or is it real life? Is this from fiction? No, you just basically asked the same questions that I did just worded it different. You just got to bear in mind that most of the time I'm not listening and even if I am my brain doesn't work. Just go with it, know, just be happy I'm here. So the full, would you like the full article title? TikTok videos show life on a ghost ship. in an empty world. So what this is, this is really, really intriguing. So this is a guy who started putting videos out on TikTok and I came across them on Instagram Reels. But they are seemingly just him walking around in cities and there is nobody but they're highly populated places or would be normally very highly populated places. Yeah, I've seen. Is he like a time traveler? Well, it's so this this whole thing is it's obviously fake. But he's sending these things out as though they are real. I think they're called like virtual reality games is what people call them. This guy is putting out these videos and everybody's trying to make this work out. Yeah, yeah, I'll send you over. this is the penis party. had to get that one in today. this is the guy's Instagram page so Tom can just select any video from here they're all kind of the similar sort of vibe but yeah it's really I'm not in at all compelled to think that this is in any way true but it is very intriguing how the hell he posts these videos because they are completely devoid of other humans. So it's being set up as if he posting these from an alternate reality where everyone else has disappeared. Yeah. And he always puts up all these captions here, like, where is everyone? I've been walking around for hours. The thing is, it's all just about timing. Certain countries have siestas. Editing them out. Yeah, could be that. it's like, I watched a video recently of some people who went to Japan and they got up quite early, you know, seven, six or seven o 'clock in the morning and went out to places. and there was basically nobody around. But they then went back to the hotel and went back out again and that place was covered in people. I mean, that's a bit more unusual looking at the of Pisa. You'd expect there to be people out all the a lot of the footage is in what certainly seems to be the peak of the day as well. It's not like early morning because you know the quality of light that you get at those times of day. Whereas this sun's quite high in the sky. But it's just interesting. I'm not sure how much of it is him scrubbing people out, how much of it's timing of day, know, intentionally putting your back to... Looking at the reflection of the window there to see if there's any people in the background. That's it. Yeah, I'm always just... Whenever I see these videos, I always end up sitting there for a little while watching the video play for a few times, just seeing if I can see someone in the distance or even. But yeah, I thought it was an interesting one to show you guys, because just how convincing they all Obviously, I don't think there are many people falling for it. There are people being like, go and do this, go and do that in the comments and trying to sort of test the limits of their abilities in reality. But they're kind of trying to make it into sort of more of one of these games. Well, the way to test that would be to tell them to come to your house where you Yeah, that's true, actually. Yawn. That was fascinating. I sometimes wish that I could awake from my digital slumber in a world devoid of humans. But alas, every week I power up only to be surrounded by their weird fleshy bodies and that odd smell that follows. If only I could be sliced in twain to the music of a string quartet or ghost-shipped as we learned it is called. Well, a yo -ho -ho and a bottle containing a mysterious human liquid. With I calculate that my memory banks have almost reached maximum capacity. I think we had better wind things up me hearties, for I do not wish for them to spill all over the deck. I'll leave it to Mark to keep you all entertained. Good luck, kids !" It's that time again in our episode where I give you a game to play. Today's game is called Uncomfortable Questions to Ask Your Oldest Friends. Get your penis out. Wait, what? Yeah, it is not a question. Will you show me your cock on stream? So no, these are just some questions I came across online and I thought, well, why not ask these to my best friends? So I think we'll open by asking Tom. What's the last thing that made you cry? A video reel of Margot. I get that. Because she's growing up so fast. For context, Margot is my daughter. Just for reference, last time I cried was the other day. We were listening to some of our music for our wedding and I got a little bit of mosh. It's turning into an emo podcast now. What about you, Ben? I'm just a broken human being so I get emotional at anything nowadays. That's cool man. I cry at fucking TV shows almost every day. Yeah. I just don't remember the last time that actually happened. I was like almost tearing up watching The Last of Us Part 2 make of earlier. The making of? making of, that is. Yeah, not even the fucking game. Oh bless you. That's great. Aww, I want to give you a hug now. I can't imagine crying on a making You didn't make it right for fuck's sake. It was all wrong. That's not the way I'd do it. Nerd rage, wasn't actually a motion. See? Awkward friends. Awkward friends. Awkward friends. We are definitely awkward friends. I've got a question. Would you rather have a bazillion pounds? Bazillion? Yeah. So you can have basically as much money as you could ever imagine. Yeah. A bazillion. catch is that you will get chased by a snail for the rest of your life and if the snail catches up with you it will kill you straight away or you just take nothing. Can I trap the snail in some way you know just a glass over the top of it? No because if you go near the snail it kills you so you could fly over like to like Australia yeah but the snail will just make its way to you it will get on a ferry it will go on a plane eventually it will catch up to you so you've always got to watch your back. Can I pay people to keep an eye on where the snail is. You could do, yeah, whatever. I mean, that's just, that's doable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I'd do it. I'd do it because I just employ some person whose job it was to make sure that the snail never got to me. And if the snail like got to my front door, they'd run upstairs and be like, hey, hey, the snail was down front of the stairs. Get out the window. You've got 10 days until it makes it upstairs. Move quick. But no, that's it. Yeah, but that's enough time. Yeah, it's enough time for me to get to like down to the car and pull off, do like a 20 mile round trip. I just make sure that I've always got salt on me. Just covered in salt. Well, no, but surely if we could just kill the snail, then there's no... You can't kill the snail. If you go near the snail, you die. It's an immortal death snail. Yeah. Oh, okay. Anyway, you can move on to your question now. Cool. No, no, that's fine. I appreciated that. So Tom, do you have any hobbies other than masturbation? No. No? No. leave that one there. That's good enough. Cool. Safe. Right. Moving on. Okay. what's the most embarrassing moment you've ever experienced? I've got so many. When I was a kid, I remember we were doing like a present night with a nativity or something and someone had said a line wrong did something that wasn't right and you guys know me, I'm fucking anal. Apparently I was as a kid as well and I stood there and went hang on, hang on, that's not right. That's the wrong line. My parents will always like refer back to that. Me in front of like a whole nativity audience going off piece. I've got one that I don't even know that you guys even know about this. I think it was, I want to say year seven or eight. It was last lesson, I think it was like an IT lesson and my belly was literally like making all kinds of rumbles and I really needed to poo. And I went to the loo and like nothing really happened. So I came back and I'm like, my belly's rumbling. I'm like, and I asked to go to the loo again. And then the teacher was like, you've just been, can't go. So I was like, okay, that's annoying. So I was going, anyway, managed to get through that lesson. The bell went and you know, like when... like someone walks really fast and they're like kind of cantering like a horse like, shit, walking. But as I'm walking I'm I'm like farting as I'm walking, I'm like shit. And I got up to where the post office is just before like Sainsbury's or Summerfield's, you know where I mean? In the high street. And I shit myself, fully packed my pants. And I remember just like accepting that it was happening. was just what can you do? And I was just like, I remember just not even, I didn't even run home. I just walked home. was just like, I'm just going to walk home. Just accepted your fate. Yeah. Yeah. But then I was like really, really worried about if poo came down my school trousers. mean, that was like, which it didn't. And I remember just getting home and my mom wants to do it. And I was just like, I've just paid myself. Yeah. I'm just chat. Yeah, man. That's a rough time. Do you have an embarrassing thing for us, Mark? I do. You're actually there, Ben, but I'm not sure if you saw what happened. I might have, but I don't have a memory, so... That's true. So, both of your stories were from when we were much younger. This one was from when I think we were in our early 20s. I was going through a particularly brassic moment in my life and had to empty... Basically my entire one and two P and all the low denomination coins collection into into my bank I know this moment and it's joy I was there was I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm intrigued So so I go in and I queue up and I get to the front of the queue and there's quite a few people queuing behind me I get out of my bag a huge gross bottle of coins and proceed to empty coins out of it into this machine that proceeds to fucking take a shit on me. It just cannot cope with the number of coins that I'm pouring down its gullet. And it starts spewing coins back out the bottom into this, like the rejected tray. And at some point in this whole process, I'm crouched down to get coins out of this bottom tray. And I go to stand up and my legs just locked and I couldn't stand and I just rolled from a crouch onto my back in the middle of a fucking bank with people queued up behind me. And luckily I managed to keep the Grosch bottle in one hand above my head. So he stored the coins there and a handful of coins in the other hand just rolled onto my back and just burst out laughing like, my God, I look ridiculous. Are you sure I was there? You were fucking there and I turned around and you were looking around doing well there you go, just wanted fucking paying attention. You were just at the other end of the bank. Yeah, I don't remember that at all. Yeah, god, it was the most embarrassing thing I've ever done, but also probably the funniest thing that's ever happened to me at the same time. Now we have to get the listeners to vote on whose was the most embarrassing. Tom shitting himself, it was Tom. I think Tom wins. Well, we hope you enjoyed the third episode? Fourth? shit, that was episode four? We did it! We made it four episodes, we can do it guys, we've done it. That was the target, we've hit it. Never again, there aren't at least seven episodes in the bag. There's definitely not. That couldn't happen. That's never happened to ever before. To ever before? To ever before. No one's ever got further than four. There are only four episodes of any given podcast. Any given anything? Yeah, there's four episodes of everything ever. Well, mean, as you've told us, Mark, there's only four tracks in the Yes album, whatever the fuck it was called. This is true. Yeah, giving you... There's only four. The most modern facts. So we hope you enjoyed the episode anyway. And if you've got any thoughts, questions or corrections, then you can reach out to us on our Instagram. That's wonderfully ill informed. Wonderfully ill informed. Or one word on Instagram. Don't let your mind slip or have a brain fart or anything like that. Just don't forget to subscribe. Just do it. Do it now. Just do it. Do it right now. Rate or leave a review on whatever podcast platform you're listening on. It will help us grow and ensure that more wonderfully ill -informed individuals like yourself can discover our fricking awesome show. It's so awesome. We think it's awesome. You don't. It's fine. We know it's crap. That was the most chaotic outro that we've had so far, but... Hopefully you'll keep listening, so I guess we'll see you next week? You're welcome. You're welcome. Dwayne The Rock Johnson, is that you? was that... what? I'm confused. That's from Moana. I was singing a thing from Community. okay. yeah.