Festive Screaming, Dog, We're Going to See, a CDC. have a question. What's your thoughts on effort versus efficiency in terms of Christmas? the reason I say this is, and Holly had an interesting discussion the other day. And I was getting a presence doing, because I'm a man, doing it late. That's been for every member. I don't think we're late yet. You're still in a decent section of time. the 28th. It's December today guys. Well yeah, you're still getting them now, but when this is out, then it'll be a problem. Amazon, love it. Easy as. Anyway, I was looking for it I was like, I can get them all wrapped for me. Lovely, lovely. Don't even have to look at them. Yeah, exactly. Check them, just get them all pre-wrapped. then in my head I was like, that's joy, don't have to worry about that. although I feel like I'm okay at wrapping and I don't mind wrapping, I... Sometimes it's just a pain in the ass because it can just be really and if you if you fends all the shades Usually if you me you leave it a little bit too late and you're a man of very little time as well Tom. Yes. Yes Yeah, yeah, that's why I keep claiming anyway, and yes, but I unfortunately I clicked off the option because I knew if I did that Holly would be like it one of two things either I was your mum wrap these or Or she just know that I got a new fact tonight and I didn't I didn't put the effort in do you know me? Yeah. Yeah I do think there's something to be said for effort. Yeah, but the fault is in getting the present, getting the right present. Not necessarily the wrapping. I mean, do you still do the foil? Now you're a married man, Mark. Yeah. Do you foil it still? It's the real question. No, no, I've gone to the days of tinfoil. lost your tradition. Because effort's there. Effort's there. Oh, fuck off. I don't even know what the fuck you guys are talking about. So I used to wrap all of my Christmas presents, no matter who it was for. girlfriends, family, friends. I thought this was like a tradition that I didn't know about for everyone. This is a Mark-centric thing. This is just, I think I got it from Jack Osborne from the Osborne's. I feel like he did it back in the day. But yeah, I just started doing it because I was like, well, it's reusable because I'm very eco-friendly and also I'm really lazy. a sandwich in there. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You just chuck your chicken in it and chuck it in the oven back probably then. But yeah, so it literally did become a tradition in my house that every single present I gave my parents was always just wrapped in tinfoil. But I have stopped that now. Yeah, I do wrap with paper these days. Well, that might potentially be the longest cold open we've ever had. That could be. Well, no, that could just be the chat. That just be the chat. Should we do the intro? I guess we should play our Christmas themed intro music. that's putting a lot of faith in Tom there. Tom, are going to put jingle bells over the top of the theme music? What's that thing? What's that song that went meme? That went viral? went meme? No, sorry. It was that lady that was putting on a song on her computer to dance long term and was like, Jingle bells, jingle bells, sucka my cock. Something like that. Do you remember that? It didn't go meme enough because I've never seen that. wait, before we even get into it, let's just start. Let's quickly get We're already on a second tangent before we start the intro. Perfect. This is the energy we like going into a holiday episode. the problem is I can't really put Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Suck on my Cock because it comes- here we go. Right, okay, let's quickly go. Are you ready to jingle your bells? bless us. They're so wonderfully ill-informed. ho ho ho! And welcome to the Christmas edition of Wonderfully Ill-Informed. This is the podcast where we take festive, funny and weird holiday related things that we found this week, turn them into mysterious quotes, toss them into Santa's big old randomising sack, and then try and guess what they're about before we dive into some of our predictably unpredictable chats. So grab a gravy boat full of your favourite booze and join us on a nonsensical sleigh ride. through our wonderfully informed Christmas. Well apart from when we get to Tom's quote because he's already told us he forgot it was Christmas. Sorry Holly, no presents for you this year. Well it's just one of them ones where it's like not many cool things come up that are related to Christmas, they're always usually cheesy which I'm prepared for some cheesy shit from you guys, we'll see. Pfft, don't know what you mean. I don't even know if I've even got a quote, let's have a look. And I'm Ben. Yeah I'm Tom. yeah, I forgot to write that bit into my script. Shit, I'm Mark. So in our regular, very traditional Christmas way, I have a traditional Christmas question for you. If you had to swap one body part with Rudolph's wonderfully red glowing nose, what part of your body would you use to guide Santa's sleigh this Christmas? Well, I think we can assume what Tom's gonna say. Yeah, my eyeball. I mean, there'll be a good guy. Ben wants me to say my cock. Yeah, that is exactly what I assume what Tom would say. Can we say, my, I don't know, not that I've got piles, but piles? It's the red flashing arsehole. Poor little Rudolph, just a little dangly. Can I just put my entire head? I always get confused about Rudolph because he's a reindeer, but then is he actually named in like the reindeer on, because when you see... I've seen a few Christmas things where they haven't got a Rudolph in the... What is he like Elbert the fifth musketeer? He's just like an extra. Yeah, he's unimportant. Yeah. The forgotten reindeer. Yeah, that's what I feel like he is. So, body parts? What are we... Well, what's your answer, Mark? I thought maybe the thumb. A thumb, because then he can thumb a little lift with his nose. He's holding his little nose up. And then he can hop onto like an Arctic lorry and save himself a What about your beard? yeah, but then I'd have a big glowing red chin. you have to swap? Yeah, we have to swap one body So I just have his nose on my neck and no head anymore? Yeah. I didn't think this through. Yeah, yeah, was poor thought on your end. When is there ever good thought from me? I'm always getting everything confused and wrong. I think I would swap my index finger so Rudolph can still point the way and show the way. yeah. Excellent guiding in the dark, but nonetheless. Knowing now that it swaps it, or realising that now, that actually Tom's first thing of eyeball would probably be quite a good one. It would be one of the most effective ones, yeah. Because you've still got one eye, and then you can just freak people out with like this big beam of light coming out of your eye. Or if you did swap it for one of your testicles, then you just have a lovely little glowing testicle. Yeah, one single glowing testicle, very Christmassy, very festive. You'd look a little bit like the dude out of X-Men with laser eyes. Can't remember his name right now. Cyclops. Cyclops, yeah, yeah. Scott Summers? I'm gonna say Scott Summers. That's the end. Did you know that in a non-descript Spanish speaking country that I can't remember the name of the country, they have a traditional thing called the Caganer, where in little nativity scenes, alongside like little baby Jesus and Mary and Joseph and the three kings, there's just a guy bent over doing his shit. Great. I thought you were going to tell us that squirrels teeth never stop growing again. for the third time, which has never actually made it into an episode. But I'd be saying it whilst jingling some bells in the background and that makes it a Christmas fact. So he's shitting in the background of the Nativity? Yeah, There's just a little... A cagana is a figurine that depicts someone in the act of defecation and is a staple of Christmas Nativity scenes in Catalonia and surrounding areas. The word cagana literally translates to the defecator in Catalan. Jesus, I like the sound of the defecator. It sounds like a wrestler. Yeah, yeah. The Devocator! Welcome listeners to the wonderfully ill-informed holiday special where I have taken it upon myself to give myself the present of a day off. I have invested some tokens into AI voice generation and will be leaving you with Santa AI and a clip of me saying a random day of the month just in case you need it for some reason. Here goes. 28th. Okay, make yourself known. Holiday help. How to traumatize your kids this Christmas? Is it that video of the little like twirly fairy thing that goes up in the air and then flies into the fire classic burns up classic Oh, I'm sure that little girl was traumatized. I remember that video from back in the day. That's like from like the 90s. It's not that ah any other guesses That's a no. No, okay. Well, there is a link in the little quotes thing, I also have a selection of other links to send you because this is not the only video of this happening and it's rather insane. Yeah, so I'm afraid you did guess wrong, but this is, yeah, a collection of ways to traumatise your children. Is it to do with the elf thing where you just like turn them into bones or something? Oh, just Just dressed up as a grinch. I was going to say, is it Krampus? No. obviously has traumatised a lot of children. That certainly would as well. Hello! Hello! And now she's smiling. Yeah, but it's like a really scared smile. She's not sure. Without any context if I just cut out the bit where we said it's the Grinch It's just a little girl screaming. There's a little bit of Christmas music You still are none the wiser as to what is traumatizing the child Well, so in in varying so I'm just I'm sending a selection of links to our chat here I'm just gonna keep on sending these yeah sending these videos of children screaming, but some of them they're not screaming It's it's it's all varied responses some of them they flip out and they literally try and take down the Grinch There's ones where I've seen them chase the Grinch out of the house. It just, really, really varies their responses, but overall I'm pretty sure they're all getting traumatized. Let's put it that way. These ones go to a rage, immediate rage. He's scared he hasn't made it to the Christmas tree to steal any gifts. right. That's what he's trying to stop him doing. I didn't realize that. I he was just trying to kill the Grinch. Well that might have had Christmas music and talk of trees, lights, presents and the like, but that made Santa sad. Remember, everyone at home scaring children is for Halloween, not for Christmas. I hope the next thing out of my sack is more festive. Ho ho ho, don't bring a drone to an orb fight. This isn't even like factual clearly by the title or really anything great, but it just made me laugh because the guy's a funny guy. But what do you think it's about guys? The quote is don't bring a drone to an orb fight. Is this anything to do with all of the weird drone UFO shit that seems to be going on at the moment? Yeah, it is. the US. It's not even just in the US, it's happened over here as well apparently. see I don't know. It's so easy to fake stuff these days. Yeah. And also you don't know what technology like the government have and all that kind of stuff. You just don't know really know what the fuck it is. So I'm kind of like, I'm not sure. it? What convinced us to how alien the the things people have been seeing are? Yeah, I don't mean I don't know what they are, but I don't know. Like it's so easy to fake things now with AI and stuff. Yeah, that's true. That's why you need Corridor Digital. Yeah, they're so good at pointing out that stuff, aren't they? I've seen several of their videos debunking different sort of UFO videos. Right, this guy. Oh, I've seen this guy before. I don't know if I believe him. Just I don't believe him. I don't believe him. just, I reason I'm showing it to you is I thought the way that he talks, it just made me laugh because he sounds funny. Oh, okay. Well, not funny as in like he's a weirdo, but he's just, I don't know. He's just like the most unbelievable. When I say unbelievable, I don't mean, oh my God, it's unbelievable. mean, I mean. I do not believe him just the way he's delivering it. The video I'm about to show you is a drone flying into it and then it disables the drone and the drone falls out of the sky. Boom here we go so this thing is zipping across the sky right here Phoenix Arizona December 14th watch it's like snap I'm a freaking drone I see an orb I'm a room look how fast this thing goes Check this out. So it comes up to it, it touches it. Drone doing what a drone does, orb doing what an orb does. Boom! Dog. What? What are you kidding? What? You know what saying? This thing comes up to it. Do not bring a drone to an orb fight, dog. Dog. I love the fact you left out the dog part. That kind of didn't look real. Yeah, no, that's what saying. But the other ones I've seen do look kind of legit, like there is genuinely something flying in the sky, whereas that kind of looked like it might have been put together. I just don't, I feel like phone cameras and that aren't as bad as we're still showing them. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, compression of uploading to the internet as well though. You know, you're not getting the raw file in these instances Yeah, that's fair enough. I've seen some weird stuff But again all the stuff that I've seen it still could be faked in especially in this day and age If you've seen the jellyfish alien, I might have done there was like a big one that got released of The story goes that was on an army artist defungling jellyfish UFO videos. There's Cory Dornbrenn an injured horse saying it's fake. I wasn't going to say that it was it. was literally going to show you because I don't think it looks... Basically I watched a documentary on Netflix and they were talking about this and this guy was super like, this is crazy, this man on this army base has filmed this UFO and it's top secret blah blah blah. And I was thinking, that sounds quite cool. And then they played this video and I was just like, bro, bullshit. Literally, like I play games on my computer, like on fucking consoles that look better than that. I'm intrigued. I've not seen this. I want to see this. Yeah. All right. So the latest UFO video flying around the internet has a lot of people, pilots and experts wondering what it is. If it's anything, what is it? The Pentagon was no help. All it said was no comment and it won't verify the authenticity of the footage. Notice it didn't debunk it. just think like there's all these people like again on this this dude on this documentary was like so I don't know so so like he believed it so much this video and it's a weird one where it's like he's researched like and been in UFOs for like 30 odd years and he's probably has seen some legit stuff but then also and and a lot of un-legit stuff but I think by being in amongst it for so long, you almost convince yourself and then you believe in a lot of random stuff that is just like objectively clearly not real. Either that or he's just because he's a bit old and he doesn't realise what technology can do. But I think the corridor guys said that it was just a balloon or something. Yeah, yeah. It could easily be something that's because they're using like that's not a is that thermal imaging that they're using? It looks like some kind of they're like, I mean, let's go see if I can find the The debunk video. Yeah, yeah, let's have a quick watch of that jellyfish You might think they're only in the water turns out they're also in the air We are visual effects artists We were analyzing these videos to see if we can detect any manipulation any CGI are these real videos? Unfortunately all good things must come to an end this kind of feels like it's just a bunch of balloons guys I'm sorry. It's not the aliens not the jetpacks. I don't know if that I don't think it's real but I don't know I mean, yeah, there's that what's that guy that is Super he's like a ufo guy. He did Bob Lazar or Richard Greer? no he was ever a guy a Stephen Stephen Greer he Is so funny because he claims doesn't he that he can speak he can like some like speak to aliens or whatever and then he takes people out into like fields and charges and loads of money to like try and have this experience with Aliens and then no, we it was just one of them times that we couldn't connect with them today Yeah, that we couldn't we couldn't contact but I'll still take your money And also buy my book. Yeah, yeah, pay me money. He went on a podcast and basically was saying that the next thing the government are going to do apparently, allegedly, are going to fake an interdimensional war. Oh So it's to pit us against the aliens. Project Blue Beam, mate. It's been in the works for decades, Project Blue Beam. They've wanted to do it. Oh yeah, that's it's called. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said more festive guys. And now we're talking UFOs on Christmas. The closest connection I can make here is that I, myself, also blast around the stratosphere at light speed in order to deliver presents across the globe faster than you can say Amazon Prime next day delivery. Does Santa Claus know who I am? I think I've seen this clip, but I can't think of what it is. OK. You got any guesses, Mark? Is this possibly like the creepiest thing possible in the world? A list of all the children ever? No. No. OK. And where they live. This is something that I have had set aside since last Christmas to just break the fourth wall a little bit. We first started doing the podcast November, 2023. Yeah, think we first hit record. That was like when we first started recording stuff. So I this aside at that point. was like, but you know, we'll have the podcast out for Christmas and I can bring this along for the Christmas episode. Here we are a year later and I'm doing it. So everybody at home, you'll know about this. Who says we're not relevant? So there is a video if you could play it for us, Yeah, sure. I haven't seen this. wasn't what I wanted. I'm excited for this. Santa Claus, no, I am But Santa Claus really care about me I've got two tickets to ACDC BB After show party at CBGB's I'm just a Christmas dirtbag BB like you Ho ho ho ho ho ho So that's Christmas Dirtbag by Wheatus. Very strange. Yeah, it was a bit of a weird, a weird video. I mean, even ignoring the video, just the song is weird. Yeah, lyrically a bit odd. The fact that they did it, find very strange. Yeah. He's just done this a tribute to his dog, though. It makes sense at the end. for the video part. Yeah, yeah. But I was disappointed that they, for some reason, swapped out Maiden for ACDC. That was a strange decision. Yeah. But yeah, it was really, really weird. Yeah, I remember seeing it last year and just being like, why have they done this? I mean, they're only really relevant for a single song. my god, it was only last year as well. Yeah, no, it literally came out at the time when we were originally prepping the podcast. That's why I put it aside. That's so random. Yeah, it sounds like it's done at home and he was just probably really sad about his dog. So he's just done that. Yeah. That's what I reckon. People, they're sad, they do weird things to help them grieve. That's true. That's true. Thank you Ben for coming to the festive episode with a nice ho-ho wholesome package for my big ol' sack. We did have to listen to some slightly stilted lyricism and think about a dead dog momentarily, but I think it was worth it. And now to round out the ho-ho holiday episode. The nameless wonder informed me that Ben would be providing us with a Christmas themed game of some sort. Right, do you guys want to play a Christmas game? Hell freaking yeah. No, yeah, okay, let's do it. Well, did anyone else bring something? Because mine is a bit crap. No, we like crap games. And what better day to play it on... Well, it's not Christmas, it's 28th today, so... Well, yeah, it's actually, yeah. This is our Christmas weekend. Have everyone got all the presents that they wished for? Yeah. Fingers crossed. They were wrapped by the person that delivered them. Yes. I got two tickets to see ACDC, so pretty good. from Iron Maiden? Yes. Okay, should we play a Christmas game then? Is this mic approved? I did run it by Mike. Can't fucking remember to be honest. said something. For New Year, for like going into 2025, I feel like we need to get an audio bite of Mike saying this is mic approved or Mike's seal of approval. Do you know what mean? We'll just stamp it in there as an audio bite. The sound bite would probably just be what you want me to say? Go away. No, just something grumpy. fine, that's That was perfect. You can't make me, I'm not recording that. Okay, so the game I've got for you. sorry, sorry, before you get into it. I love that this whole thing is just going be me trying to start the game and then tangents happening. No, genuinely, we're not going to do this, I was just, I've said that during the episode, I haven't got this Christmassy thing because I didn't see much Christmassy things come up that I thought were kind of cool and just not cheesy. But something did come up. And I'm not gonna go into it, but it was related to them finding where Santa was buried because Santa's real. Carry on. I did see about that actually. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, Mark. Mark. He said carry on. We're not talking about it. That's all we're getting. We're just getting that from Tom and now we're doing the game. Yeah. Do you guys want to play a Christmas game? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I reckon we could. The game is called Is This Christmas Movie Plot Fake or Real? Amazing. Okay, cool. From the man who doesn't like Christmas films. Yeah. I didn't prepare this one. This is, it was going to be a Buzzfeed article, but all of those were very obviously fake or obviously real. Right. Okay. I've, I've done this. checked a couple of these with Mike, but I didn't want to do all of them because I thought maybe it would be better if I also didn't know so I can play along. Cool. Okay. Okay. So, the first plot. When Michael meets the perfect woman and she invites him to her family's holiday celebration, his Christmas dreams come true only for him to discover that he will be the Christmas dinner. Oh. Is Michael a cow or a turkey? Actually, more importantly, more likely a turkey. Michael the turkey. I'm going to assume by the tone of this that Michael is a person. What's that movie that's really joy where he goes to his in-laws and then he's a black dude and then they basically don't like black dudes and they try and like, Oh, get out. Get out. It's not get out, is it? It's not, well, I don't know. The Christmas get out special. We're not guessing what the film is. We just, do you think it's real or do you think it's fake? Oh. I'm going to say fake. Yeah, I think that. All let's go with fake then. Nope, it's real. What the This is Mercy Christmas from 2017, although it could pretty much be the Family Stone from 2005. So apparently that's a real film twice. Wow. OK, I'm writing that down because I want to try and report back to you on that one. OK, next one. Heather, a beautiful and gifted professional bassoonist is dreading a lonely Christmas in Bulgaria, where she is... Bulgaria? VOL-GAR-IA with a V. This place where everybody's just really, really fucking offensive. Where she's travelling to perform with the Philharmonic. However, when the Baron of Volgaria spots her during a solo performance, Heather's holiday gets much more exciting. Sounds like a romance. Yeah, that sounds real I feel like that's it. If it wasn't for Bulgaria, is that a real place? don't think, no, Bulgaria with a B is real, but Bulgaria with a V. Yeah, I feel like the plot is a very believable kind of romance plot. It feels like a Netflix holiday movie. No, it feels like a Sky movie, like a Sky one that's like just shit, because they all have those shit movies. I was imagining, there's one with like a, there's a series of, I can't remember. Is it Amanda? No, it's not Amanda Bynes. It's like one of the old Disney actresses and she's always like a princess from a not real country. yes, I know what you're talking about with that. Yeah, I don't know what it is, but it reminds me of that, but I don't think it's that. So do you think it's real or fake? I'm going to say real I think this time. I reckon real. Wrong. This is fake. But if it was real, I'd call it a royal Christmas bassoon. I don't know who wrote this. Just to say, these responses are not my words. I'm used to you saying that to me, yeah, didn't help too much. wrong. This is fake. OK, from this point, I don't know if any of these are real or fake, so I can play along. Madison, a conservative young Michigan woman, desperately wants to vote in a local election, but a snowstorm is making it hard for her to get to the polls. Christmas election. While a handsome young truck driver helps her along, she thinks she may have found the one, only to find he's a Democrat. This is fake as fuck. my god. I don't know. I feel like this is the type of thing that Americans would probably enjoy. I feel like that's a real thing. actually think that's... does feel like it's a Netflix. Mate, it sounds so fake to me. I'll be surprised if it's real. Right. Sorry, this isn't real. But if it was real, I'd call it Christmas at the Poles. It seems so fake to me because why would you make that the main plot of the story is that she really wants to go and vote on Christmas. That's a shit plot. All right, let's do another one. A group of children are kidnapped in the dead of winter wearing only their pajamas and no coat. They're sent on a North Pole bound train conducted by Tom Hanks. Once they arrive, a contingent of elf labourers give them presents. They can only return home if they continue to believe in Santa. That's true. Definitely real when it's called the Polar Express. Yes, that's exactly what I thought when I read it. I was like, why did you put Tom Hanks in there? As soon as I heard the word fucking train mate, I literally heard the word train and was like, well, this is an animated movie. And then I heard the word Tom Hanks. I was like, well, this is the Polar Express. He says, nice. This is actually the plot of the Polar Express 2004. No shit, we all knew that. Kate works a dead end job as an elf in a Christmas shop. Things start looking up when she meets Tom, the perfect man. He is, true. They strike up a yuletide romance and Tom helps Kate get back on her feet. All is happily ever after until, in a Fight Club-esque twist, it turns out that Tom was a ghost all along. Well, that took us for a ride, that one. That weird. That's so mental that I... I know the level of convolution. Yeah, this is everywhere. That's like fake and if it is real it's bombed Yeah, it's not good. Yeah, we're going with fake. Yeah. Sorry. This is real It's the plot of last Christmas 2019. What the fuck that was there that was a roller coaster ride of bullshit, but it Alice a high-powered NYC career woman is going through a dry spell. She lives alone and is afraid to date because of the coronavirus pandemic. When the one person she interacted with in months, her weed delivery guy, starts leaving holiday treats in her drugs and unlikely romance blossoms. I kind of think that one is real. So he date rapes her basically. No, no, he was not lacing her drugs. Yeah, I don't think he's just leaving like candy canes. By treats, I think it means like little gifts and stuff. Yeah, not a hypno. Did it star Snoop Dogg? Yeah, starring Snoop Dogg and Cameron Diaz, his old school friend. Yeah, I saw that. I think she used to deal to him in school. I can't remember which way around it was. One of them used to deal to the other one in school. I'm pretty sure she... Used to get weed from him, that's what I saw in the interview. Yeah, it might be, yeah. I can't remember which way around it was. a given. Yeah, I mean it seems, it makes sense. What do reckon? Real or fake? I feel like it could be real. Like one of those crazy weed stories, like weed movies. Yeah, it's like, it's made by Seth Rogen. Yeah, it sounds like the sort of thing, like there's not much to the story either. Mary Cheeschen Chong. Yeah, yeah. It's a pretty simplistic storyline. I'm gonna say yes. Yeah, real. Let's go real. Nope, it's fake. But if I made it, I'd call it, can mistletoe get you high? Jesus Christ, whoever wrote these, they just went with the first thing they could think of, didn't they? They didn't think anywhere beyond the first thought out of their mind. This is from thecut.com, which I've never heard of, and it's from December 2020, hence the inclusion of the coronavirus in that one. Yeah, yeah. A young princess's evil cousin and doppelganger Attempts to crash her investiture. What the fuck is that? What does that mean? I guess like where they get crowned or something like, you know, coronation, similar thing, I guess. An action of formally investing a person with honors or ranks. Yeah, yeah. Basically, yeah, her crowning or whatever. being a princess. She's not crowning, by the way. On Christmas? So attempts to crash her investiture by kidnapping her. Only to find that the kidnappee is not really her cousin, but a baker from Chicago who looks exactly like her. I reckon that's that Netflix movie that I was describing earlier on with the princess person. with the princess, okay. Should we go real then, Mark? I reckon it's real and I reckon she's the princess of a not real place. This is the Princess Switch. Yes! Switched again. That's the film, yes! I've seen that film. yeah, I've seen these come up on Netflix. Is that... It's Vanessa Hudgens. That's the one. Yeah. I said it was a Disney actress. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Alicia and her mum have always butted heads. They try to bond by taking a Christmas trip. But when their bus crashes on the way to the mountain, Alicia dies and her soul enters her mother's body. Alicia. As she adjusts to her mother's life, Alicia begins. Stop it. I was trying to avoid what you did to me last time. I was like, no, I will say it how I said it wrong. was it Maurice? my name is Maurice. To be fair, though, that is Maurice. It wasn't spelled M-O-R-R-I-S. It was M-A-U-R-I-C-E. So I do think his name is Maurice. It might be technically, but... begins to learn how much she misunderstood her, understood her mother. That was... rejoined in the middle of a sentence there. don't have a fucking clue on that one. Freaky Friday at Christmas. Yes, but this time one of them's dead. So the dead daughter possesses her mum. Is that right? Aluxia dies and enters her mother's body. Yes. Weird. Is this a porno? I feel like that one's not real. Right, let's go with fake then. Yeah, let's look. Yeah. Nice. It's fake. Yeah. But if it sounds good to you... It's inspired by the plot of the Japanese mystery novel Naoko. So there you go. So it's kind of real, but it's just not a movie. Yep. Okay. Last one. secret agent must abandon his romantic Christmas ski chalet to embark on a dangerous time bending mission to prevent the ghost of Christmas past from destroying Christmas as we know it. That was all one sentence. Wow. That's an AI has produced that. Yeah, I'm gonna say fake. Yeah, it's too, it's too like, I know. I reckon that might be real, but we'll go with fake. No, it's fake. Yeah. But it's pretty much the plot of Tenant. okay. I don't, I've not seen Tenant. Tenant is joy. It's kind of on my list, but also not on my list. It's one of them ones where you think a lot, which is joy. I like a little thinker. I like a thinker. I like one of those. Nice good think. Took me a second to realise what you were doing. And Tom wasn't even looking at the camera so he has no idea what I just did. I got text. Fair play. So I have a quick, just a very brief update on Home Alone for everyone. Without giving any spoilers, obviously one and two, excellent, everybody should see them. We all agree on that apart from Ben, because he hasn't seen any of them. Number three is still just about good. It's a good bit of fun and you can, as long as you don't look too deep into the plot, it's good. Four, absolute bullshit, do not bother. Five, my wife started talking about annulments about 20 minutes before the end. She was so sick of it and was like, I cannot believe you're making me finish this. It is absolutely terrible. All the acting is terrible in it. Let me see what. So that was five. Five is really, yeah. Four and five are absolute bullshit. Both have decent actors in. Has there been one yet where Macaulay Culkin plays the dad? No. You know, like a boy meets world style thing. The way it loops back round. Well, no, but in the sixth one, there is like a tiny back line back to the original. in that the older brother Buzz is in the sixth one as a cop. What is it like Final Destination where in one of the later ones they all end up dying on the plane crash? No, it's like in 2020s. Okay, so yeah, I've seen, I haven't seen Four and Five but I've seen the sixth one. Yeah, and he's... It got 15 % on Ron tomorrow. See, we kind of enjoyed it to... Again, like three and six are okay. They're like They're all right The four and five are absolutely abysmal and nobody should ever watch them like they are so awful But the the sixth one is pretty serviceable and references the Macalester's and stuff in a decent way It's got Kimmy Schmidt in it. It's got Rob Delaney in it. It's got that cool funny Irish woman Yeah, yeah, she's in it. She's good the kids All right, I think he's like, okay. He's probably the best one aside from Macaulay Culkin, I think, the kid in the sixth one. I think it's because he's not trying to be Kevin. Yeah, I think you're absolutely right. I think they moved on enough and it was a different enough film. It was a very different plot to the first two. the plots are basically the same. Yeah, well, most of them. will get house invaded and they have to come up with like ways to stop the house invasion. Yeah, yeah. But in, yeah. Anyway, outro. Yeah. God, this is gonna be a long bumper episode. It is. For Christmas. Jingle, jingle, Merry Christmas, motherfuckers. Have you had a fun Christmas episode, Tom? Yes, I enjoyed it. It was so Christmassy. The real question is, have the listeners enjoyed their Christmas and their Christmas dinner and their Boxing Day curry? Yeah, Boxing Day curry. That's an interesting tradition. like that. Mate. I swear loads, mean maybe it's just me, just know loads of people that have all the leftover meats from, I mean you don't eat meat so maybe that's why, but the leftover meat from Christmas Day, just chuck it into like a big old curry and just make a joy little curry. play. So we'd do sandwiches. Yeah, ours was always like sandwiches and... buffet food. It was like a buffet of leftovers. was trying to lead us into the outro as opposed to another conversation. It was a Christmas conversation. I love it. I love a random tradition. That's why I brought a few to the podcast. Whether or not you've heard any of them, it's down to Ben. We hope you enjoyed your Christmas and we hope you enjoyed the episode. I'm deleting everything. It's all gone. It's our fact. Christmas is over! Sorry. Christmas has already passed now, Ben, so you can't delete Christmas. Christmas is already over. Ben's just spitting facts now. Anyway, yes, we hope you enjoyed your Christmas. We hope you enjoyed the episode. We hope you have a lovely New Year's coming up in a few days' time. There'll be an episode dropping next week, of course. We hope. might not be. Most people take breaks over Christmas. We'll see. Yeah, some people do. We've decided not to. Tough titties, no holidays. If you have any thoughts or corrections or you want to tell us that you enjoyed the episode, then please get in touch and submit your opening questions as well at our Instagram, which is wonderfully ill informed, or one word, or you can scroll down and leave a note in the comments for Ben to read out. And it's time for Ben to read out any comments we might have. We've been very popular this week and by very popular, I mean just 50 % more popular than normal. got two comments. And it's from me again. Gordon. No, I think we might have scared. Well, that hasn't gone out yet. So. No, we haven't scared them off, but we haven't had any more Flash Gordon's. It is worth saying that with the way we record our episodes, when I say we'll read it in the next episode, it'll probably actually be two weeks from then. could be. Yeah, it could be a week or two. Just depends. So the first comment we got was from Kate. my wonderful wife. This is in regards to Brandon's episode. Both of them are actually. Brandon, as a regular guest, but I never want to hear from Michael Mouse again. Terrifying. That's a fair point, think. was pretty squeaky. Michael Marce was chillin', man. He was a little bit creepy. He was a bit creepy. When, uh, after the episode aired, I spoke to my wife about the episode and she said I could never do this voice ever again! Because I was doing it around the house! Oh dear. Poor Kate. I think that's why she doesn't want to listen to the voice mark. Yeah, she's just sick of my voice, full stop. And the next one we got was from Steve, my cousin, and it says, So the episode came out late last week. So there you go. We got a couple of comments. Oh, thank you, Kate and Steve. We appreciate you. Thank you very much. Tom? Oh, hello. This comments bit really throws you off, it? No, because I mean, I'm not even in the mode. Let me just bring the scripts out for a minute. We've been doing the outro for about five minutes. We'll insert some little waiting elevator music. with jingle bells in the background. Where is the outro? I have found it. Don't forget to subscribe, rate or leave a review on whatever podcast platform you're listening on. It will help us grow and ensure that more wonderful, ill-informed individuals like yourself I think what my might have started doing is because I never alter from the script because I can't think quick enough I might just take a clip of me reading that and just slot it in each time because I say it, it's same exact thing. Why even bother? Why not just run it through AI Tom? At which point, why do we even fucking bother? Why doesn't the whole podcast just be AI? Maybe we should just do a whole podcast where I'll just get the AI to do it. Do it that entire thing. Right, you can find links to everything we talked about in this week's episode in the episode show notes. Or the ho ho ho notes. The episode's ho ho ho notes. Very gay. Thanks for listening. See you in the new year. Bye bye. Merry Christmas guys, bye. you